Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Faith and Creativity.

I have been painting the inside of my house for over a week now and it is bring me back to who I used to be. I know that sounds weird but, I used to love drawing, painting, scrapbooking, taking pictures, and developing pictures. I used to sit for hours sketching and paint. I took a few photography classes where we made cameras and developed our own pictures. I miss all of that. I am tooling around my house with a bachelor's degree and a teaching certificate but I still feel like I have a different calling in life. A calling that says something about who I am (or who I used to be).

I wish I was in a position to do some or at least one of the things that I loved to do. I guess I will have to save that for old age. It is true the youth is wasted on the young.

I think that these feelings are coming about because I have been trying to find God again. He has always been there for me but I have been failing Him in worship. This has come about because of my oldest son. He spends the summers away from me and while he was gone he was baptised. I have tried to make sense out of this for the past few months but have not been able to. Why would someone encourage them to do somthing when clearly they were not ready.

Since we moved from Little Rock we have not been attending a church on a regular basis. Well my two oldest kids go away for the summer and I am guessing that they do attend church. Well anyway my point is that they have not been going and while they were away they were baptised this would have been a great thing had it been explained to them in a proper manner and not something that was done spur of the moment. This was a decision they should have made but only after understanding what a true saved christian is. My kids have told me that they thought that it was OK to lie because they were saved and that they were going to heaven no matter what. I was very saddened by this news. I explained to them that even though you are saved you still have to try your best not to do things that are wrong. I also explained that being baptised is just a symbol letting everyone know that you have been saved. Dunking your head under water does not mean that you are going to heaven. I myself have not been saved. I think that I am on the right path and soon I will be ready but I can not be saved until I am willing to give myself to Christ and except Jesus in my heart forever. I don't want to rush into this I want it to be real and forever but I need my kids to understand and they can not until I do. I realized that my 9 year old does not know what being saved is because I went up to the front of the church and knelt down to pray to God to help me and my family and my 9 year old came up to me and said "Hi mom what are doing?" I asked him "what do you think I am doing up here?" He said "I don't know". I explained what I was doing and he was like "OK". That is how I know that he does not understand why his head was put under water. What a shame. I hope we will all find Christ together.

My prayers.

What my point to all of this is....I think that God is trying to lead me down a path I can't quit figure out what it is but I hope I listen.

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel. When I was in high school I was 100% sure that I wanted to go into the medical field of some sort, mainly dealing with geriatrics. I even applied for a medical scholarship and received it. When I graduated, my mind began to change. I still wanted medical, but nursing wasnt what I wanted. Pyschology sounded wonderful and working with Alzheimers patients sounded even better. I put off college for a year. Then I finally decided to go to Rend Lake and start my basics. But after a semester anad a half of that, school just wasnt agreeing with me. And I was having more problems trying to figure out what I wanted to be. I threw around a tons of ideas. Then after I had my first child, I took an at home schooling course and got a degree in Pyschology/social work. But never did anything with the degree. At the end of last year I started another at home schooling course in photography. I am hoping to put it to good use, but we will just see. Honestly I dont know what I want to be when I grow up!
    As for the religion issue you discussed. I myself was baptized when I was a couple of days old. That was just part of being Catholic. I went through most of the 7 sacraments that Catholics do. We went to church every sunday. When I moved out, I stopped going. Only attend church for weddings and funerals and an occasional mothers day I will go with my mom. But truthfully I have an issue with God.( I plan on posting a blog in the very near future discussing my issue). My oldest daughter askes why we dont attend a church and I really dont know how to answer her. My husband is not sure what religion he even is. Neither of my girls have been baptized like I was. I partially feel quilty for that, but then on the other hand I feel like its their decision on what religion they want to practice.